Your Uncle’s Duck Dynasty ETF Is Making Hedge Fund Managers Look Like Clowns

Your far-right uncle, the one with a basement arsenal and a wardrobe straight out of a Duck Dynasty catalog, is living his best life right now. No, not because ammo's on sale at Cabela's (though that probably helps) , and definitely not because Alex Jones gave him stock tips. Nope, he’s trouncing hedge fund managers on Wall Street with an ETF that sounds like it came straight out of a Saturday Night Live skit: Y’ALL. (this is not a cameo article written by the Impractical Jokers).

God Bless America, the exchange-traded fund for people who would rather eat dog poop than shake Hillary Clinton’s hand, posted a glorious 32.9% return this year. That’s miles ahead of the S&P 500’s 26% and light-years beyond what most hedge fund bros can manage, even with their Ivy League MBAs and trust funds. Somewhere in Greenwich, Connecticut, oat milk lattes are being angrily sipped.

The most head scratching part of all of this is that Y’ALL isn’t packed with oil stocks or gun manufacturers like you’d expect. Its biggest holding is literally Tesla. How? Well, we can thank Elon Musk’s rapid switch from Silicon Valley hero to MAGA mascot. Ever since Musk started endorsing Trump, trolling liberals on Twitter (or X, whatever we’re calling it), and railing against “woke” culture, Tesla went from being the car of choice for Prius bullies to a badge of honor for the Don’t Tread on Me crowd. It’s as if Tesla hitched its electric wagon to a convoy of lifted diesel trucks overnight.

Let’s not pretend this doesn’t feel like a glitch in the Matrix. Tesla used to be the unofficial sponsor of Whole Foods parking lots and NPR pledge drives. Now? It’s being celebrated by the same folks who think electric cars are part of a deep-state conspiracy to track their every move.

And timing? Impeccable. The so-called “Donald Trump-led red wave” gave conservative investors the green light to go all in. The fund was built for “God-fearing, flag-waving conservatives,” and (shockingly) it’s working. Turns out you can market patriotism as a portfolio strategy and rake in serious cash. God bless capitalism, am I right? But don’t count out the liberals just yet. The ETF named NANC (yep, after Nancy Pelosi herself) pulled in a respectable 28.6% return, tracking the trades of Democratic congress members and their spouses. Because nothing screams “ethical investing” like politicians making suspiciously timed trades.

Meanwhile, the Republican counterpart, KRUZ (a tribute to Ted Cruz) posted a lackluster 14.7%. Apparently, even Wall Street isn’t that into Cancun Ted. Themed ETFs like Y’ALL tend to burn bright and fade fast. According to research, these niche funds usually underperform over the long haul, trailing market benchmarks by about 30% over five years. But does your uncle care? Not a chance. He’s too busy sunbathing in his red, white, and green portfolio. While institutional investors typically avoid funds with less than $300 million in assets, Y’ALL doesn’t seem to mind. With $88.4 million under management, it’s laughing all the way to the bank.

Your uncle may not know what a hedge fund is, but he knows one thing for sure: his Y’ALL ETF is winning. And while Wall Street’s best minds hurry to figure out how to beat a guy who drinks Coors Light for breakfast, your uncle is busy cashing checks and ordering his steak extra well done. America: where the underdog can drive a Ford truck, wave a flag, and still stick it to the elites. God bless that.

PS: On Friday, our Stocks.News Premium members hit the jackpot with a Toronto biotech stock nobody cared about Wednesday. Our system flagged it for absurdly high short interest—basically, Wall Street’s equivalent of leaving the back door wide open—and then, boom, they casually announced a licensing deal with a major pharma company. By lunchtime, the stock shot from $2 to $6.80, handing out 240% gains (not bad right?).

If you’re tired of missing out on plays like this, maybe it’s time to join Stocks.News Premium. You’ll get trade alerts like this twice a week, plus our Insider Trading Tool that tracks everyone from overpaid CEOs to your favorite Congress members cashing in on their "foresight." Oh, and unlike Bloomberg, we don’t charge a small fortune for the privilege. They might have fancy terminals, but do they deliver breaking trade alerts and tools that actually move the needle? Didn’t think so. Go here to become a Stocks.News premium member now.

Stock.News has positions in Tesla and Ford.