Michael Saylor is Mixing Kool-Aid, and My Friend’s Drinking It (What Could Go Wrong?)

After what we can only assume was a week of staring out over the Miami skyline and contemplating life’s big questions (like, “Why isn’t Bitcoin the global currency yet?”), Michael Saylor’s MicroStrategy is back in the headlines… because dropping $561 million on 5,262 Bitcoins at $106,622 per coin is apparently what passes for therapy these days. Forget paying a premium because you believe in the tech… this is paying like Bitcoin’s about to replace the dollar by next Tuesday. And yes, it’s even higher than BlackRock’s collective blood pressure after last week’s ETF disclaimer mishap.

Let’s crunch the numbers (you know, Michael would want us to): MicroStrategy now holds a ridiculous 444,262 BTC, worth roughly $42.2 billion at today’s prices. Although, their average cost is only $62,257 per coin. Most people would panic at the thought of “buying the top,” but not our guy Saylor. The dude is in too deep to ever go back (you just know this guy secretly buys sh*tcoins for fun).

If you’re new to the Saylorverse, MicroStrategy used to be a software company, but not anymore… It's a Bitcoin cult with quarterly earnings reports to pose as a modern Berkshire Hathaway. His fans are quite interesting, to say the least. Over on X (formerly Twitter), a group called “Irresponsibly Long $MSTR” swaps memes, mocks skeptics, and remixes tracks of Saylor saying “Fiat is for the poor” (if it walks like a duck, sounds like a duck…)

I’m gonna say it. Saylor is basically a cult leader. Forget drinking the Kool-Aid… he’s the one mixing it. Between tweeting in gladiator costumes and philosophizing about the “perils of diversification,” he’s like a modern-day P.T. Barnum, except instead of selling tickets to a circus, he’s selling conviction… lots and lots of it.

Last week, MicroStrategy’s stock dropped 11%, thanks to Bitcoin’s price sliding after the Fed got all hawkish and BlackRock threw shade on ETF dreams. For most companies, this would be a cue to diversify or at least take a breather. Not for Saylor. Instead, he dusted off his ATM share sales program, still flush with $7.08 billion, and went shopping like a Beverly Hills housewife.

Now I’m going to shock you with this wisdom… but this all-or-nothing strategy only works if Bitcoin skyrockets… and stays there. Even Bitcoin’s biggest fans, like Mike Novogratz, are raising questions about MicroStrategy’s moves. But the cultists? Oh, they’re all in. Some are quitting their day jobs to manage portfolios stuffed with MSTR shares, while others are comparing themselves to “a modern Buffett and Munger”... presumably with a straight face.

One fan toasted Saylor’s latest buy with a $300 bottle of Scotch, proving that even their celebrations come with a premium price tag (as he yells upstairs to his mom: “can you make me a sandwich?”.)

By the way, Saylor isn’t the only one putting his manparts on the chopping block. My friend just told me he YOLO’d into a bunch of altcoins, so the top must be here. Be careful out there.

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Stock.News does not have positions in companies mentioned.