Cathie Wood’s ARK Innovation ETF might’ve been everyone's favorite investor in 2020 (153% returns can turn even the biggest skeptic into a believer), but press that fast forward button to 2024, and Mama Cathie’s giving off major “one-hit wonder” vibes. Remember “Call Me Maybe”? Exactly. 

This year’s been a banger for tech stocks… I mean, the Nasdaq’s up 32.3%... but ARK Innovation? Only 20.1%. C’mon, Cathie, even my grandma’s 401(k) is doing better, and she still thinks Bitcoin is a video game.

Oh, but it gets better. Cathie just offloaded 10,022 shares of Spotify, worth nearly $5 million, right as the stock is moonwalking across the Nasdaq with a 165% year-to-date gain. Premium subscribers are up, monthly active users are hitting record highs, and CEO Daniel Ek recently declared, “We’ve never been in a stronger position.” This good news prompted Cathie to dump Spotify faster than my college roommate's girlfriend dumped him after that “Let’s split the bill” incident. (She’s probably reallocating the cash to buy Bitcoin at its next all-time high… because that worked out so well last time, right?)

Again, I can’t emphasize it enough. Spotify is killing it. In Q3 alone, the platform added 6 million premium subscribers (analysts had pegged it at 5.19 million), and total monthly users hit 640 million. Pivotal Research even increased its price target to $565, calling Spotify’s trajectory “very strong” (translation: if you’re not on this train, you’re missing out). Cathie, apparently, didn’t get the memo.

So, what’s her master plan for reinvesting this Spotify cash? Oh, just tossing $8.9 million into Tempus AI, a healthcare analytics company (because nothing screams “safe bet” like speculative healthcare tech). She’s also abandoning shares of Palantir and Butterfly Network because… reasons. If Cathie’s investing strategy were a painting, it’d be the kind of abstract chaos that makes you tilt your head and say, “What is that supposed to be?”

Cathie’s legendary 2020 performance is looking less like genius and more like a lucky streak that’s run out of road. Even with tech stocks having a historic year, ARK’s lagging behind the Nasdaq by 12.2%... and tech is literally ARK’s bread and butter. Again, just like my college roommate, some people just can’t get out of their own way.

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Stock.News has positions in Spotify.